Happy And Healthy Lifestyle

“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.” ~Nelson Mandela Ever thought, “Life is so unfair!” Is it, really? Has life given you circumstances that keep you in a deep, dark hole of disadvantages that seem impossible to clamber out of? Has life decided that you need to live in abject poverty and watch everyone in your life suffer from being denied everything a human needs to be human? Has life put you in a position where you wouldn’t dare to dream of something better, for yourself, for your family, about anything, ever? My story is specifically about my home, Cape Town, South Africa. A place so breathtaking, it reminds you constantly that a higher power must truly exist. A place filled with the friendliest people, with a strong sense of family and community. People who smile easily and see the bright side of even the darkest realities. And, under it all, we have all

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.” ~Albert Einstein Why do you want to do it? It was a question I was asked repeatedly by friends before I started my volunteering placement in a spinal injuries unit, the uncertainty in their eyes reflecting back their own fears around life-altering disability. It was difficult to put into words what drew me to becoming a patient support volunteer. I was content in my job, had an active social life, hiked and swam every weekend, but still there was something missing. My own life felt sheltered, and I wanted to feel part of a bigger world where I could make a difference no matter how small. So every Monday night I would dash out of work early, change into my volunteer t-shirt, scrub my hands, and join the nursing staff on the evening shift. My first night walking the long, hospital corridors, I felt real trepidation. What would I say to someone facing paralysis? How would it feel to be told you’ll never walk again? My own worst fears p

“Your brain can play tricks, your heart can be blind, but your gut is always right.” ~Rachel Wolchin Have you ever wondered why it can feel so incredibly difficult to make a decision? The pros and cons lists, the endless stream of thoughts talking us into it and then against it, the anxiety about potential disappointment, doing it wrong, or regretting it can leave us paralyzed with self-doubt. I can very much relate to this cycle. In the past, I had extreme difficulty making decisions. I would become completely obsessed with all aspects of the process, seeking to talk it out with anyone that would listen and write list after list on what direction would be best. I eventually realized that my “process” wasn’t working. I ended up only increasing my confusion and self-doubt. The more I talked about the different options and sought others’ opinions, the less clarity I had, which then sent me out to involve even more people in the process. This was a cycle that became endless and madden

Have you ever felt like you’ve rehashed your issues over and over, but you’re still far from healing? Maybe you’ve done talk therapy for years, and it’s helped to some degree, but it feels like you’ve been missing something you need to finally start feeling happy, free, and alive. If this sounds familiar, I highly recommend the FREE ONLINE Embodied Psychology Summit , which starts in just a few days, on Wednesday the 22 nd . In this five-day event, you’ll hear from forty renowned teachers and therapists and learn to ignite the wisdom of your body to heal trauma, stress, and pain. This conference is for those who: Want to gain knowledge about psychology, somatics, trauma therapy, plant medicine, attachment/intimacy work, internal family systems work, experiential developmental psychology, social/cultural justice and therapy, stress and resilience, and applied poly-vagal theory. Feel like they’ve hit a wall in their talk therapy and are looking for a fresh perspective on healing.

“You don’t have to be brave all of the time. You are not damaged or defeated. Have patience. Give yourself permission to grieve, to cry, and to heal. Allow a bit of compassion, you’re doing the best you can. We all are.” ~Unknown Growing up, I received the message that everything had to look a certain way. It was only okay to feel  positive  emotions, and any expression of unruly emotions was totally unacceptable. It wasn’t that anyone directly said this to me. I wasn’t given a written set of rules to follow. I wasn’t given any speeches or trainings about how to present myself in public. But the message came across. It was relayed to me in phrases like “Don’t cry, you’re fine,” “Relax, people are watching,” “Just ignore them,” and “Don’t let things bother you.” It was conveyed to me through subtle criticisms of my reactions, which in my mind translated to “ You aren’t good enough if you feel bad.” In many ways, I was raised to feel uncomfortable with my emotions. I came to believ

Brett’s name flits onto my screen with an incoming email. “Call you right back,” I say, hanging up on a friend. Last time I talked to Brett, the Obama family lived in the White House. Last time I thought of him? Last year, as Melania took her third crack at presidential Christmas décor, and I failed to muster enough spirit to fetch our pre-lit tree from the garage. Brett’s message came in through the contact form on my website. He invited me to meet for coffee; full respect if I decline. Four years ago, it was me who reached out to Brett. On a dreary morning in early December 2015, I called his office to report that our spouses had been having an affair. The receptionist had put me on hold. I held my breath, rehearsing: I don’t know if you remember me. My husband Sean used to work with Rebekah— A soft click, then Brett’s voice on the line, “Jess.” He held that syllable of my name as if it were a preemie, just born. “I’m so sorry about Sean.” I slumped on the sofa. Five weeks in

“We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.” ~Brené Brown “I don’t deserve to be happy.” “I’ll never be good enough.” “I’m not worthy of love.” Sound familiar? I hear phrases like this all the time in my work helping women walk through divorce. I heard it for years while I was working in women’s ministry. And it echoes back to me from my own experience. I’ve walked through a lot of broken stories from numerous aching souls. These phrases all boil down to one core emotion: shame . Throughout my life, I have been all too familiar with that emotion. I spent almost seventeen years in a destructive marriage, had multiple miscarriages, was diagnosed with cancer, had a hysterectomy because of the cancer, almost lost my mind, and had a mild heart attack from all the stress. On top of that, my mother committed suicide—she shot herself in the head. And then I went through a high-conflict divorce. It was so costly, my net worth plummeted an

“Gaslighting by parents can extend way into adulthood, but it may have particularly harmed you during your childhood. Children need to learn to trust themselves, and when they’re taught that what they see, hear, or feel isn’t real, that can lead to a lifetime of self-doubt.” ~Suzannah Weiss Some of us grew up in families where our feelings and what we were experiencing were denied or pushed aside, what some people call “ gaslighting .” What is that? When someone—often our caregivers/parents—sows seeds of doubt in our minds that make us question our own sense of personal truth and reality. They did a good job of convincing us that what we saw, we didn’t see; how we felt, we didn’t feel; and what we wanted, we didn’t want. This left us feeling very confused about what was true, and as we grew up, we had a hard time trusting ourselves. We searched and searched for someone “out there” to give us answers on how to be and what was right for us. We didn’t feel comfortable making decisio

“Don’t waste your time looking back on what you’ve lost. Move on, for life is not meant to be traveled backwards.” ~Unknown When I was thirty-eight, I was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer. During my treatment, one thought persisted: “I can’t wait until this is over and life goes back to normal.” I clung to the belief that things would go back to how they once were, and all that needed to happen was for treatment to end. It gave me something to focus on that felt real during a time of disruption and uncertainty. Unfortunately, when treatment ended normal didn’t come. My hair grew back thinner and was now curly, when it had previously been straight. I had reconstructed breasts that felt strange. And the mental and physical fatigue from treatment didn’t go away; I needed daily naps just to get through the day. Words would often get stuck on the tip of my tongue, unable to come out. And I sometimes had trouble fully recalling recent events. I felt fragile, as if I were som

“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” ~Dan Millman One of the paradoxes of learning to cope with anxiety is that it often means you’re prepared for chaos and crisis. When everyone else is thrown by the uncertainty , you’re strangely at home because it is not as far from your day-to-day lived reality as it is to their’s. I often joke that at a time of crisis, people with anxiety are like early adopters of the iPhone; we’re like “See, this is exactly what I’ve been telling you about!!! It follows you everywhere; it seems innocuous at first and then slowly, but surely it ruins your life.” Whether it’s the overwhelming sense of fear and dread about anything and everything, obsessively running over hypothetical scenarios, or waking up the middle of the night furious with your partner because they have the audacity to be able to sleep soundly through the night, we get it. For me, this journey started in 2015, after I quit six jobs in

“The dark night of the soul is a journey into light, a journey from your darkness into the strength and hidden resources of your soul.” ~Caroline Myss Growing up in a household with both parents, my grandmothers, and pets, people often assumed we were the picture-perfect family. I participated in dance classes, sports, and we also had a lot of extended family gatherings. We lived in a pretty nice neighborhood, went to good schools, and both of my parents worked and were educated. But, from a very young age, I witnessed and experienced frightening events and images no child should ever have to see and go through. While I normalized these ongoing inappropriate and tragic images and incidents, I had no idea what they were doing to my mental and emotional health . I was often afraid to go to bed as a child—I knew I would wet it and that I’d be ridiculed by my father the next morning for doing so. Family members and friends would constantly point out to me that I would jump and flinch