Happy And Healthy Lifestyle

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” ~Martin Luther King Jr. It was Saturday, August 29th, 2020, when I admitted to myself, for the very first time, that I was a victim of sexual assault as a child. Twenty-five years of complete denial that this ever happened, and suddenly all I could think of was the fact that my innocence was taken at the age of five. “Why now?” I wondered. “Why does it suddenly matter? Was I so resentful of my trauma that I denied its existence altogether?” Between the ages of five and eight, I was repeatedly molested by a family member. Although I wasn’t sure what was happening, I knew two things: This felt pleasurable, and therefore, there was something inherently wrong with me. I carried this shameful image of myself into adulthood, unaware of how it impacted my self-esteem, my sexuality, and my overall perception of myself as a woman. As the sexual abuse eventually ended, so did any thoughts about it. No one knew that

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” ~Shauna Niequist Imagine if you had a tool that, with no effort or change on your part, could cast a glow around you, exposing hidden gems within your everyday life. You do! It’s called gratitude. It has the power to light your way through tough times . And it can multiply the good. Of the many tools I use daily, I love gratitude the most. It is so simple to implement and immediately effective. It’s a powerful way to change the world—through seeing, not doing. I’ve invested a lot of thought, time, and deliberate action into creating the life I want. But building a life is one thing; relishing it is another. Having gratitude allows me to squeeze every last bit of joy from what already exists around me and within me, creating more with no extra effort. Few things in life are simple, practical, and magical. Without gratitude, our tendency is to focus on what’s missing. Life is what we ch

“Why don’t you get up and make the coffee, while I stay in my sleeping bag and plan our ascent route?” I half-heartedly ask my climbing partner Hank. He just looks at me with that unassuming, “give-me-a-break Val Jon” look of his. It’s three o’clock in the morning, cold, dark, and damp, and neither of us wants to leave the comfort of our tent. But we’re committed to this climb, so we don our parkas and gloves and confront the bitter cold. In silence, Hank and I gather up our gear and join the rest of our climb team assembled at base camp, which is located at eleven thousand feet. Thirty-three climbers in all have come together for this extraordinary ice climb to the summit of Mount Shasta in Northern California. During our team meeting, we decide to make our ascent via “Avalanche Gulch,” a treacherous glacier route up a steep icy slope. This particular route is shorter than others, but it’s also notorious for its deep crevasses and unstable blue fractures, so one wrong move could m

“ Bent but never broken; down but never out.” ~ Annetta Ribken I lived for a long time thinking I was broken beyond repair. Let me rephrase: I thought I was unloved, unworthy, scarred, and broken. What a package, right? It started young, never feeling like I was good enough for anything I did. Being the youngest of the typical modern recomposed family in the eighties, I never knew on which foot to dance and always thought I needed to bend left and right to be seen and loved. I carried this baggage under my badge of anxiety, feeling like no one and nothing could ever make me happy, that no one could love the real me, that nothing could ever make me feel worthy . It reached a point as I was entering my forties when all I wanted to do was disappear. I wanted to not be who I was. I wanted to die. I thought that was my only solution. I believed the world would be better without me. What I didn’t understand then is that by thinking I was broken, unworthy, unloved, and all the other

“Be kind to past versions of yourself that didn’t know the things you know now.” ~Unknown When I taught yoga classes in jails in Colorado and New Jersey, I would end class with the Metta Meditation: May we all feel forgiveness. May we all feel happiness. May we all feel loved. May all our sufferings be healed. May we feel at peace. The women, all clothed in light gray sweatpants, would be in a relaxed yoga posture, usually lying on their yoga mat with their legs up the wall. The fluorescent lights would be full blast, as they always are in a jail or prison. Some women would feel comfortable closing their eyes. Some wouldn’t. With quiet meditative music playing, I led the meditation with the gentlest voice that I could, taking into consideration that the noise outside the room would be loud. Often, we could hear the incessant dribbling of basketballs in the men’s gym. Someone in the complex might be yelling, and we all would have to work past it. As I spoke that first line, “M

“It’s okay if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart, and we still love them.” ~Unknown Do you often find yourself saying, “I just have to get through this week…” and then that turns into every week? I know I do. Between work responsibilities, chores, and spending time with family and friends the calendar can start to fill up quickly. Unfortunately, there was a time in my life where I let those activities push self-care off my to-do list, leaving me constantly feeling exhausted and burned out. Before this experience, I always thought burnout was predominantly mental, not necessarily physical. But then I experienced a major wake up call. Recognizing the Signs of Burnout A couple of years ago, I was working long hours and filling my hours after work with hobbies, chores, and time with my significant other. This constant activity started to take a physical toll on my body. I felt tired all the time. I had gained ten pounds in a short amount of time. I was experiencing constan

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ~Jon Kabat Zinn In December of 2020, we noticed mom’s speech seemed difficult. Like she had stuffed cotton balls in her mouth, and someone was restraining her jaw from moving. We asked her about it, she said it was nothing. We hadn’t seen each other since we got together over the holidays. On New Year’s Day 2020, we clinked glasses filled with sparkling wine and shared bold predictions about how this was going to be our best year yet (spoiler alert, it wasn’t). With every passing week and conversation, it got worse. We brought it up many times, my sister and I. We pleaded with her to see a doctor. We were separated by thousands of miles and a closed border. My sister in Virginia, me in California, Mom in Canada. She said no, it wasn’t a big deal, it was getting better (spoiler alert again, it also wasn’t). She insisted she was fine. She could eat, drink, work, and speak. It was all good. She repeated this message as our worrie

“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.” ~Robert Tew Everyone has fears. It is not an emotion that is only for a chosen few. One’s fear may seem irrational to the outside world, but I guarantee to that person it is debilitating. So much so, that it shapes their perspective and how they see the world. My fear is of success. I know what you’re thinking. “That doesn’t make sense at all. Who doesn’t want to be successful?” Well, let me explain what I mean. You see, I am an introvert, so I don’t really want to draw attention to myself at all. My “success” is a personal gain, not a flashy show of pride to the world. I wasn’t quite sure where this fear of success began until this year when I was talking to my wife. Our discussions brought up a memory that I am sure started this fear. When I was twelve years old, I loved basketball. It was my all-time favorite sport. You had to be good individually but also as a team. Being introverted, I ha

“The master leads by weakening their ambition and toughening their resolve.” ~Tao Te Ching How much of productivity advice is ableist? Sure, there are lots of good ideas and concepts in there, but most of it is healthy-body-focused. Advice like: “Be sure to exercise in the morning.” “Get up early before anyone else.” “Keep a consistent morning routine of meditation, journaling.” “Set aside fixed times in the day to do deep work.” “Get dressed and do your hair even if you work from home.” “Set goals and stick to them.” “Work harder than anyone else around you.” I have built a business entirely from bed, entirely from my pajamas, without ever getting up early, without knowing what time my body is willing to get up and function each day, with no schedule at all due to daily changing physical and schedule needs. I set goals, but they only get done when they can; I cannot force my body to make anything happen. I might have a few hours a day average of usable time, some days it’