Happy And Healthy Lifestyle

I know I don’t know you, but I see you. I get you. And I know you’re a survivor. You’ve been through so much your life could be a movie, though you don’t always feel like the hero of your story, or always want to be. Because sometimes you feel tired of being strong. Tired of wounds to heal, problems to solve, and crises to avert. Sometimes you wish that it was all easier. That the ups and downs of life would stop so you could finally breathe, relax, and be . I get that; I’ve wished that many times, both when I was deep in the throes of depression and bulimia and in my current life as a mom to two young kids. When life feels like a landmine of triggers and obstacles, I often wish I could turn it all off. That I could end the cycle of hurting and healing. That I could stop struggling, striving, and, sometimes, feeling. But I realized a while back that I was wishing for was a flat line—which means not living at all. And I want to live. I want to feel the exhilaration that lives o

“When thinking about life, remember this: No amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” ~Unknown I was buckled in on a small, twenty-person airplane, and we were heading toward the runway, when I looked out the window and saw the airplane wheel was wobbling. I gathered my courage, unbuckled my seatbelt, and approached the flight attendant, who told me to sit back down. “I think there’s something wrong with the wheel,” I said. He looked out the window and said, “It’s fine.” But then he radioed the pilot, who turned the plane around. They checked it out, and it turns out the wheel was fine. In retrospect, I recognize I wasn’t responsible for the pilot turning the plane around. That was his decision, based on the information I’d provided. But the wheel wasn’t, in fact, wobbling. My anxious mind was just playing tricks on me. I felt guilty that one passenger, a surgeon, had to miss his scheduled surgery and that others were delayed. And th

“And some days life is just hard. And some days are just rough. And some days you just gotta cry before you move forward. And all of that is okay.” ~Unknown I have always struggled with low moods. I guess that considering that I spent close to twenty years of my life inactive and depressed, this could be seen as progress. But that still didn’t feel good enough. I wanted to feel more balanced, light, and happy , and I wanted to achieve it in natural ways without having to take any kind of medication since that hadn’t worked for me in the past. So I began to research. I asked around. I read books. I watched videos. I became a psychotherapist. Most people can’t tell you how you shift out of low or bad moods. Sit with it, they say. And sure, that is a huge help because, up until that point, I would beat myself up over being in a low mood, which just made things worse. So ditching that beating-myself-up habit did help a lot. But here’s how I went further with it. During my studies

“ Never make the mistake of thinking you are alone—or inconsequential.” ~ Rebecca McKinsey I can still remember it as vividly as if it happened yesterday. Our kitchen was small. Only enough room for a few people, and there were four of us kids scrounging to get our hands on the rest of the leftovers. It wasn’t a fight, but I can say with certainty that there was an underlying assumption that whoever got their hands on it first was able to claim it, so there was competition. I grabbed my spoon first and then went to the fridge to get my food when my dad grabbed the spoon out of hand. “Dad! Give it back!” I said in my most rude teenage voice. Not a second passed and his hand met my cheek with a blow that knocked me to the floor. There must have been a loud noise as I flopped to the floor, hitting the dishwasher, because my mom, who was doing laundry, came running inside to see what was going on. I lay there helpless on the floor, not struggling but also not fighting. I looked up

“Growth is uncomfortable because you’ve never been here before. You’ve never seen this version of you. So give yourself a little grace and breathe through it.” ~Kristin Lohr I was kinda sorta showing up. To the outside world, it looked like I was doing all of the things. I was smiling. I was talking about exercise and eating well. I was posting happy, positive vibe quotes, but I wasn’t really showing up for myself. I had experienced a miscarriage at thirteen weeks. This was supposed to be the safe zone. I had told family and friends. My husband and I even had names ready to go. This was baby number four, so I thought I was a pro. I was in a toxic work environment, but I kept going. Even after my miscarriage, I felt I had to be back there quickly so others didn’t need to deal with my responsibilities. After experiencing this loss , I spent quite a long time kinda sorta being serious about my well-being. But let’s be honest, I pretended for years. I was hearing “Take care of YOU!”

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people. “Recovery is a process. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes everything you’ve got.” ~Unknown We are often told in therapy that we need to dig deep and explore our feelings until we find the root of our problem, as though we’ll finally have peace and relief just because we’ve found the “Nugget of Trauma.” The problem with long-term childhood trauma is that there was not just one Nugget, or one moment that we were left reeling from. For many of us abused as children , trauma encompassed our entire childhood and adolescent life. When I was in my early twenties my memories became a deluge, flooding into my mind all at once. I started with talk therapy, and it seemed like the one recurring question being asked of me was, “What’s the issue or event that you are struggling with?” So, thinking that they must know more than me about how to deal with the chaos in my mind, I would f

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~Lao Tzu In the middle of a storm, it is difficult to see any way out. But on the other side, we usually can recognize a silver lining—something we gained from the experience that enhanced our lives in some way. When my husband unexpectedly died and left me a single mother to three young children, I could not conceptualize anything good coming out of it. Yet, years later, I am here to tell you that the gutting, heart-wrenching experience taught me invaluable lessons that have helped me to not just survive but actually thrive, finding more happiness when I never thought I would again. Although I wish that experience never happened, I also would never trade the person I am today. Life is funny in that way. There have been many setbacks and impending feelings of disappointment. Losing loved ones, the end of relationships, professional rejections and mishaps, parenting flops, general life blunders. All of it. Each time I survi

When life gets challenging, we often make things even tougher by being hard on ourselves. We berate ourselves for feeling down, as if we should be positive and happy all the time. We minimize our feelings, as if we have no right to be struggling since things could be so much worse. And we hold ourselves to ridiculous standards, pushing ourselves to do more, keep up with everyone else, and respond to life’s stressors with perfect composure. Or at least these are things I’ve done. I know that life is messy and I’m only human, but sometimes I expect more from myself than I’d ever expect from someone I love, and demand more of myself than I can reasonably give. Then I end up feeling bad about how I’m coping while feeling bad, which makes it awfully hard to feel (and do) better. If you’re dealing with a lot right now and stressing yourself out with fears, worries, and expectations, I have a feeling you’ll appreciate these ten reminders. They’re all thoughts that help me validate myself