Happy And Healthy Lifestyle

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.” ~Pema Chödrön Standing at the bathroom sink, I brought my gaze up to the mirror. I couldn’t avoid eye contact with the one person I had no desire to talk to. I had questions, and I knew the reflection looking back at me wasn’t capable of giving the answers I needed. My solution was a handful of prescription pills to numb my anxiety and Type II Bipolar. Every morning I popped a Wellbutrin, Cipralex, Valproic Acid, Lithium, and Adderall. It was the cocktail that got me through the day. It was about the only thing I could stay consistent with in my life. I knew something had to change, but where to start? How do you cultivate a deep and meaningful life ? My mind and body may as well have lived on different planets. Sure, they shared the same address, but they didn’t know how to communicate. They had no idea how to help each other, or even that they were on the ...

“The feeling of being rejected, disapproved of, or conditionally loved by one’s primary caregivers is a monumental, long-lasting burden for a child to carry. It produces chronic shame, guilt, and anxiety. The child is blamed for doing something wrong and in doing so learns to perceive themselves as being bad.” ~Darius Cikanavicius,  Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults You’re safe now, but you weren’t before. Before you were abused. If your experiences were anything like mine, you were told that you were worthless on a daily basis, that your feelings and needs didn’t matter, and that you would never be deserving or worthy of love. Your lived experiences were denied, and you questioned your reality. Your needs and wants were never met, and you learned that in order to stay safe, you had to put others’ needs before your own. When conflicts arose with others, you blamed yourself because the people around you always did. I still struggle wi...

“Success is a series of small wins.” ~Unknown You tried everything. Nothing worked. What now? I was the Marketing Director of a tech startup, and my work wasn’t bringing in the money or traction that it should. I did everything to improve my results: I read more books, consulted mentors, changed my mindset and tactics, did more field research and experiments, consulted even more books and mentors. I won’t go into specifics, as that’s not what this article is about. But suffice to say that I did my best to learn from every book, mentor, experiment, and mistake. And I executed all the best practices. But after months of fruitless efforts, the CEO finally let me go. I didn’t contest it. Even I would’ve resigned out of shame for my results. I went back to freelancing. After two months of rejected or ignored client pitches, I updated my profile on job search sites. Four months later, I was broke and still unemployed. One more month and my landlady would kick me out. I remember one nig...

“When you’re comfortable in your skin, you look beautiful, regardless of any flaws.” ~Emily Deschanel I started doubting the way I looked at the age of eight following comments from other children, about my twin sister being cuter/prettier than me. During adolescence I suffered from bullying because of my appearance and thought I was ugly. Like many others, I believed for many years that everything would’ve been easier if I was better-looking. At eighteen, when I left home for military service (mandatory in Israel), I started to get positive feedback from men and to feel much better about the way I looked. But still, for many years after there was a big gap between my self-perception and how others saw me. Today, at fifty-one, even though I’m far from perfect-looking, I have finally come to terms with my appearance. In my work, I encounter many women, some traditionally beautiful, others with a pleasant appearance and charm, who feel that due to the way they look, there’s no chanc...

“Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive whatever is coming.” ~Robert Tew “I have bad news. I am sorry. You have cancer.” Sitting in the cold, clinical doctor’s office on a snowy, cloudy January day in Chicago, I was six months postpartum with my daughter, and I felt like I had woken up in a nightmare. My husband had gone to work that day when I was supposed to have my stitches removed after the laparoscopic surgery to remove a large cyst, so I was alone with my daughter. When Dr. Foley entered the room, I took one look at his face and knew something was wrong. “Are you sure,” I asked? My daughter was munching away on her Sophie Giraffe in her stroller next to me. “Yes, I am sure. I am so sorry.” I started to cry. The first thing I said was “I knew I didn’t deserve a good life.” “What did you say?” “Nothing, it doesn’t matter now.” He told me it was stage 1 ovarian cancer. That I would be okay. He told me I might need chemo and to have my ovaries removed, a...

“How you do one thing is how you do everything.” ~Unknown One afternoon, during a particularly low slump, I was getting out of the shower. Quickly reaching for something on the sink, I knocked an old glass off the counter, shattering it onto the floor. In most cases, one might experience stress, frustration, or sadness upon accidentally breaking an object that belongs to them. They might feel agitation on top of their already poor mood. But in the moment the glass shattered, I felt instant relief. It was an old item I’d gotten at a thrift store, and the image on the glass was all but worn off. In the back of my mind, I’d wanted to get rid of the whole glass set, and the shattering of one of its pieces served as a firm confirmation it was time to let go. In that unexpected moment of relief, I realized I was holding on to the glasses out of some strange obligation and a fear that I wouldn’t have the money to replace things if I gave them away. I marveled at this interesting aspect ...

“Just a reminder in case your mind is playing tricks on you today: You matter. You’re important. You’re loved. Your presence on this earth makes a difference where you see it or not.” ~Unknown Today I woke up feeling like nothing I do matters. I didn’t want to wake up feeling like this, but I did. I got myself out of bed, brushed my teeth, and went through the motions until things inside my mind started to feel unbearable. The first thing I did was try to reason with myself, tell myself that, of course I matter. I tell everyone else in my life that they matter and they’re enough just as they are. But there is a tiny voice in my mind that feels loud. Just chanting, “You know you’re trash, people are lying to you. You know you do terrible things and have hurt other people. Just give up.” It reminds me of every mistake I’ve ever made. It attacks me with memories of my hurting someone with how I worded something or reminds me of someone who blocked me on social media, or just said, “I...

“You become what you believe, not what you think or what you want.” ~Oprah Winfrey What do you believe? During the forced stillness of the pandemic environment we’re all living in, this is a question I’ve been faced with more intensely than ever. In particular, I’ve come to question what I believe about myself, and how that impacts every element of my life. Coming out of years of self-help for social and general anxiety, a long-standing eating disorder , and several dissatisfying personal relationships, I had to come to question what these external realities reflected back to me. For what you believe about not only your life, but more importantly, yourself, will show up again and again, and yes, again, until you’ve finally addressed the root of the problem. In my case, my lack of self-value resulted in many dysfunctions and setbacks in my personal and professional world. My deteriorating self-image led to my eating obsessions, a lack of confidence exacerbated anxieties, and the ...