Happy And Healthy Lifestyle

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” ~Kurt Vonnegut Have you ever felt like a stranger in your own life? Watching other people like you were separated by some invisible wall? Most of us have felt it from time to time and understand all too well how detrimental loneliness can be if it doesn’t go away. In fact, research has shown that  loneliness is worse than smoking or obesity  to a person’s health. Yet we live in a world that is more connected than it has ever been. How is it that so many of us feel lonely? I’ve recently discovered the work of Gabor Maté, whose teachings on addiction and connection has inspired me deeply. He discusses the mind-body connection (particularly the deadliness of suppressing emotions) and how social connections can accelerate healing. When he speaks it makes so much sense it’s hard to believe th...

“I am doing the best I can, and I am enough.” ~Unknown I don’t know about you, but I’ve recognized that historically, I’ve treated myself more harshly than anyone else ever has—and I’ve been in my share of abusive relationships. I’ve held myself to ridiculous standards, pushed myself to be and do more than I reasonably can, and beat myself up over minor mistakes, as if I didn’t deserve my own respect or compassion. As a result of this emotional abuse, I’ve ended up abusing myself physically, through bulimia, binge drinking, and smoking—all attempts to numb the pain of both my past and my punishing inner voice. I know I’m not alone with this. And I also know that it’s not our fault that we’ve been conditioned to treat ourselves so cruelly, but it is our responsibility to recognize the wounds that shaped us and do the work to heal. The first step is understanding why and when we judge ourselves, and from there taking steps to change how we talk to ourselves—which will ultimately ch...

“Make the most of yourself… for that is all there is of you.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Every day, it was more or less the same. I presented an edited version of myself to the world. I felt a deep level of discomfort with the idea of letting myself go. Could I? Should I? The answer was “no” every time, even if it wasn’t always a conscious decision. It felt wrong to be myself in a society where we’re conditioned to believe that we have to look and be a certain way to fit in. I believed that no one would accept me as I was. That it would result in my personality being mocked or criticized. After all, how can anyone understand someone who’s both quiet and bubbly? The two aren’t said to go together. If you’re bubbly, it means you’re outgoing, fun, lively. On the other hand, a quiet person is likely to be just that—quiet, all the time. At least, that’s what most people think. And if you’re both, then there’s something about you that isn’t quite right because you can’t be put into one box....

“Nonresistance is the key to the greatest power in the universe.” ~Eckhart Tolle I cannot say that I didn’t struggle in my life. But there’s one area in which I have overcome the challenges I was facing with hardly an effort: letting go of the eating disorder I was suffering from, getting rid of the extra weight I was carrying, and maintaining the results easily for twenty-eight years. How Did I Do That? In a minute I’ll tell you exactly how I did that and how you can do it too. But first let me take a moment to explain what exactly I was dealing with. As a child I always loved to eat and ate quite a lot, but though I wasn’t skinny I was always thin. At around fifteen I developed an eating disorder. I usually say that I suffered from bulimia, but when I read the symptoms, I’ve realized it might have been a binge eating disorder. I would eat a huge amount of food one day in a short period of time, and the next day I would start an extreme diet plan that I never managed to mainta...

“ About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.” ~Rita Mae Brown The stigma associated with mental illness has improved in recent years, but there is still work to be done. I am a certified life coach and a certified personal trainer. As an employee of a major global fitness studio chain, I was once discriminated against for my mental health issues. I have always been an athlete, and I love sports. Before deciding to go to college for engineering, I thought I’d take the medical school route with the goal of becoming an orthopedic surgeon—I was always fascinated with the body’s structure and how all of the muscles, ligaments, and tendons worked together. But I chose the engineering path and kept my athletic pursuits and fascination with body mechanics and such as hobbies. When I was going through my divorce, I decided to get my personal trainer certificate. I had be...

“ One in six men will be sexually assaulted at some point in their life. It doesn’t make us weak or less masculine—nor should it. Rather, we, as men, should encourage other men to speak up, to be courageous, share this burden with others, and to attend therapy and take medication. There is such a thing as healthy masculinity, and we can find that in our fellow men, in comforting those who are having a rough time. Seeking help in a healthy way, wanting to be better, practicing empathy and compassion and caring for each other are ways of practicing healthy masculinity.” ~Anonymous Why is it that men are less likely to be supported than female survivors of sexual assault ? No matter a person’s gender or sexual orientation, all survivors deserve love and support. In 2013, I became an activist for survivors of sexual assault. I was living in New York City, and my method for getting the message out was through chalk art. To reclaim my voice after the NYPD threw out my sexual assault case,...

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” ~F. Scott Fitzgerald I love Sophia Loren. There’s a picture of her in my home looking eternally youthful and refreshed. From what I’ve been told it’s due to her nine to ten hours of sleep each night. When I look at this picture, I see someone who relishes in the delights of life. Food, laughter, sex, work, motherhood, and self-care. Not long ago I stared at that picture thinking, “How could I admire someone so much and live my life in such a different way from hers?” Have you heard of the halo effect? It’s when you do the things you know are right for your body, mind, and spirit, and in doing so you begin to exude this powerfully beautiful and enticing energy others can’t get enough of. I now realize my relationship with the daily habit of alcohol was actually diminishing the glow of my halo. It was essentially stealing my joy, time, money, looks, well-being, and especially my slumber. Who knew that ...

“Remember that not getting what you want Is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama Let me tell you a story. I first read it in a book on Taoism, but I’ve seen it in at least a dozen other places since then, each with its own variation. Here’s the gist: There’s this farmer. His favorite horse runs away. Everyone tells him that this is a terrible turn of events and that they are sorry for him. He says, “We’ll see.” The horse comes back a few days later, and it brings an entire herd of wild horses with it. Everyone tells him that this is a wonderful turn of events and that they’re happy for him. He says, “We’ll see.” The farmer’s son is trying to break one of the new horses, it throws him, and he breaks his leg. Everyone tells the farmer that this is a terrible turn of events and that they’re sorry for him. He says, “We’ll see.” The army comes through the village. The country is at war and they are conscripting people to go fight. They leave the farmer’s son alone becaus...

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” ~Albert Einstein “I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to be here. I can’t do this. It hurts too much. It’s too hard.” I’m curious how many times I’ve heard these words over my lifetime. From different people, ages, genders, ethnicities, and walks of life. The words the same, the heaviness no different from one to the next. Hopelessness has a specific tone attached to it. Flat, low, and empty. Being the child of a parent who committed suicide , there is a familiar inner fear that washes over me when I hear these words. A hyper alertness and tuning in, knowing it’s time to roll up my sleeves. As a psychotherapist, there is a checklist that goes through my head to make sure I ask all of the right questions as I assess the level of pain they are experiencing. As a human, a warm wave of compassion takes over as I feel around for what this particular soul needs. After asking the typical...